I WISH I HAD HIS STAMINA!

Wednesday 11th March 2009

After we had done the lives in Wembley we headed north to Preston and had an overnight in the Marriott hotel.

I was in my room at around 8:30pm typing up my blog and getting my diary up to date. The keyboard was clicking as I slowly typed. I was aware of a noise coming from the room next to mine. It was quiet but slowly getting louder until it became the unmistakable sound of a woman about to reach the zenith of pleasure. It lasted about five minutes or so before the ultimate cry of delight. Then there was silence. I had been quite put off what I was doing but I tried to get my train of thought back on track. I had just gathered my composure and begun typing when the rising moans of pleasure started again. Once more it lasted about five minutes. Again an ecstatic scream signalled silence. My mind was well off track now. I spent a few moments thinking about what I had heard and feeling a tad frustrated. There are just some things you really don’t want to hear when you’re away from home, on your own in a very comfortable bed. I gathered myself together and focused on the the screen, keyboard and what I was going to type. 

Victor Meldrew himself could not have believed it more than me. The moans started yet again. The quiet from my neighbours, I kind of presumed that it was a couple even although I had only heard a woman, had only lasted fifteen minutes or so. The same pattern followed, little quiet slightly high pitched groans leading to a full blown scream of ecstasy. 

By this time I was not only frustrated I was getting jealous of who ever was responsible for this woman's obvious pleasure. I could not carry on with any lucid thoughts. I decided to go to bed and get to sleep. 

I was under the covers getting comfortable closing my eyes when she started yet again to let me and the anyone else in earshot of the room that she was having a great time. The length and volume of her pleasure had reduced a tiny teeny bit or at least I was convinced it had when the post climactic silence fell once more. I just wanted to get to sleep.

One of the nicest feelings in the world is that moment when you are drifting from conciousness into the wonderful world of dreams. I was in that warm woolly state ready to enjoy my own ecstasy of sleep. My slightly conscious self brought me back to wakedness. She was only at it again. This time after a slightly longer concert of sexual music confirmation came that the lady was not alone. These moments and sounds only appear in certain videos available on the internet or between the pages of fiction. No they don’t. In a duet of total orgasmic delight the two of them reached the pinnacle. Her moans were the loudest and most passion filled yet and he roared and groaned like a lion in heat.

“Thank you!”

“Well done!”

“That must be it now!”

“I’m so happy for you!” 

“Not!”

“Now can I get some sleep?”, were some of the things I thought as I tried to get to sleep.

Eventually I did fall asleep. In the early hours I did wake a little. I was lying half slumbering trying to clear my mind of thoughts so that I could regain the joy of unconsciousness. That was not going to happen straight away because she was singing the same song for the sixth time by my count. This time it was a tincture quieter and not nearly as long but what ever he was doing to her it was working. 

The rest of my nights sleep was not of the best quality. I switched my 4am alarm off before rang. Feeling half slept and full of a mixture of admiration, resentment, envy and vicarious pleasure I went into the bathroom to get my shaver. I came back to bed and started to shave slowly and lazily. What could I hear over the noise of my Philishave? 

No, surly not. 

Oh yes. There is no mistaking that sound.

I shook my head in complete disbelief and carried on getting ready for work. I left the room accompanied by yet another climactic chorus moans groans and screams of pleasure.

When I met the rest of the crew I had such a story to tell. 

Reality hit us quickly because a large package had been delivered to the hotel that contained a bit poster that we needed to take to the call centre where we were doing the broadcast. It was pretty obvious that it was not going to fit easily into Fred’s van. 

We did a lot of measuring, moving stuff and trying to get it in before it ended up in the van but with the back doors wide open. I tied the doors together with some rope in the van. I drove behind Fred to make sure none of the lighting kit ended up on the roads of Lancashire.

The lives in the Homeserve all went off without a hitch from my point of view.

We derigged, had breakfast and got ready to head north. Dr Hilary had joined us and came with me in the car on the drive to Bedlington near Newcastle Upon Tyne. He had only had three hours sleep last night. Given what was going on next door to me I am not sure if I Got much more. He tried to get some kip on the three or so hours drive but almost as soon as he nodded off his phone rang.

I dropped him off at the hotel and went to meet Yiljan and Stuart at the location where we were going to shoot. Nigel the sound Recordist was also there waiting. We then all waited a little while for Mr Motivator to arrive. He had decided to go by train rather than by car.

The shoot was quite quick. We dashed into a school classroom and surprised a teacher we had spoken to before to check that she had kept to her regime of diet and exercise. She was gobsmacked when we went in. After a couple of quick shots of her and the kids doing a workout it was time to get to the hotel, have an hour to chill before eating and bed.